Okay – you’ve found the woman of your dreams; now it’s time to give her the ring of her dreams – THE ring that will make her heart skip a beat and a ring that she’ll love (almost) as much as you! Next to the actual wedding expense, the engagement ring can be the next largest expense, so men don’t enter the purchasing process unprepared.
Before we get started, let’s be honest. The absolute BEST way to buy her the ring of her dreams is to let HER pick it out herself, but since most men are helpless romantics who feel the need to surprise, there are a few things you must absolutely KNOW before you the process of picking that perfect ring.
- KNOW YOUR BUDGET – This is probably the hardest decision to make but one you should make before you shop. The rule of thumb is two months’ salary but remember, this is a guide established by the diamond industry. Like the ads claim, “a diamond is forever,” but you don’t want to be saddled with an eternity of loan payments either. Go with your comfort level. A reputable jeweler can also help you get the maximum within your budget by making recommendations on size, cut, and shape of the diamond, and choice of settings.
- PAY ATTENTION –Most men claim to be clueless when it comes to what women want, but pay attention and don’t be afraid to ask questions. Has she ever mentioned her favorite diamond cut or jewelry style? Has she ever commented on a friend’s ring – her likes or dislikes of the ring? Subtly lead her into a jewelry store with the false pretense of watch shopping, and then casually stop by the ring counter. Does she like yellow gold or white? Does she like classic solitaires or more contemporary settings? Is she attracted to antique jewelry? Also take note of the jewelry she wears day-to-day. This will give you a good indication of the type and style that will withstand the test of time.
- ARE DIAMONDS OR OTHER GEMSTONES A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND? - Today’s brides-to-be are also choosing other durable gemstones, such as rubies and sapphires, along with or instead of diamonds. Some rings incorporate diamonds and other precious gems. Women have different tastes, so be sure to fish around for clues if in doubt.
- WHAT WILL LOOK BEST ON HER HAND? Yes men, as if this process isn’t difficult enough already, you need to pay attention to the size of and shape of her hand. An elongated gemstone, such as a marquis, oval, or emerald cut, will make short fingers look longer and sleeker. Wide bands can make fingers looker shorter than they actually are but can look impressive on women with long fingers. Women with long fingers can also pull off bolder and yes, bigger diamonds but the opposite is true for women with small hands. Too big and bold can be overpowering. Extremely delicate settings can overemphasize a large hand, making the ring appear smaller and the hand bigger. So think proportionately! Diamond shapes include round, princess (square), emerald (rectangle), oval, marquis (pointed oval), and even heart shaped. Some setting descriptions include Tiffany mount (prongs), bezeled (a gem mount that surrounds or literally wraps the circumference of the gem in metal) and pave (a focal gem surrounded by smaller diamonds or a focal gem with smaller diamonds set into the band). If your proposal plan includes slipping a ring on her finger as you pop the question, you’ll need to know her ring size. Engage the help of trusted friends or family for this information.
- CHOOSE A RING THAT FITS HER LIFESTYLE. A woman who plays tennis, gardens, or works with her hands may find it impractical to have a delicate setting, high prongs, or elaborate filigree. Intricate settings may be more difficult to keep clean as well. High mountings or pointed gems may snag.
Okay – so you think you know what she wants; now it’s time to figure out how to buy it. Ask friends and family for recommendations of jewelers. Local and regional jewelers offer excellent quality at very competitive prices. Before you visit a reputable jeweler, become familiar with the terminology. When it comes to diamonds, there are basically four important things to remember: color, clarity, cut, and carat weight.
- Diamond Color – “I thought diamonds were clear,” you say? Well, not exactly. Diamonds act as a prism that divides light into a spectrum of colors. The less color in the diamond, the higher the grade. Color grades D-J are considered in colorless or nearly colorless, producing the most brilliant light- reflecting fire.
- Clarity – This refers to diamond’s clearness. Diamonds that are absolutely clear are the most sought-after and therefore the most expensive. However, many diamonds have inclusions. Inclusions are scratches, trace minerals, or other tiny characteristics that can detract from the pure beauty of the diamond. You can save money without sacrificing appearance by buying an “eye clean diamond.” This means there are inclusions but none visible to the human eye.
- Cut – Contrary to what you might think, cut is not the shape of the diamond, but refers to the gemstone’s proportions – its depth, width, and the facet uniformity. All play into the diamond’s brilliance and durability. Typically more cuts equal more brilliance but you pay for the intricacy of these cuts. Most gemologists consider cut the most important diamond characteristic because even if a diamond has perfect color and clarity, a diamond with a poor cut will have dulled brilliance.
- Carat - A carat is a measure of weight – not size – so not all one carat diamonds will look the same. The harder the diamond, the more it will weigh, and thus the more expensive it will be.
Are you ready to raise the white flag and surrender? Consider buying just the diamond which she can later set into the mounting of her choice. Or use a “stand-in prop” for the actual proposal and then include her in the selection process of the real “McCoy.” Because of the significance and the expense of an engagement ring, more and more couples are shopping together for both engagement rings and wedding bands. To avoid overspending and/or disappointment, you may consider paying a visit to your chosen jeweler in advance of shopping with your fiancé. Discuss your budget and have the jeweler make a few selections that he or she can show your bride-to-be when you shop together. Just like having too many choices in a candy shop, too many choices in a jewelry store can be incredibly overwhelming. By narrowing the choices that fit your budget, you can avoid misunderstandings and ensure that this experience is a magic moment.
While the element of surprise may be lost in the practicality, no bride has ever complained about getting the ring she always wanted! But one last word of caution: The engagement ring, regardless of size, color, or cost, is but an outward expression of the deeper, inward emotion of love - the love we all long for, hope for and hold on to with all our heart. In the big picture of life, love is certainly the most precious of all “gems.”
The History of the Engagement Ring (sidebar)
With an annual advertising budget of over $150,000 million dollars, the DeBeers Diamond Company has insured that nearly every American has seen the warm and fuzzy ad campaigns proclaiming “A diamond is forever.” Glorifying the diamond as THE symbol of true love, diamond engagement rings have become the standard for American couples. However, the tradition of giving the bride-to-be an engagement ring dates back to the Classical Era. Popular belief held the idea that a vein ran from the fourth finger of the left hand directly to the heart, thus the reason for engagement rings being worn on this finger. Back then, only the wealthiest of nobles could afford rings with precious gems so most rings of the time were simple metal bands. As more and more people were able to afford rings with stones, the engagement ring became highly symbolic. Victorian brides-to-be often had rings with precious stones whose initials spelled out a message, such as L-lapis, O- opal, V-vermarine, and E-emerald for LOVE. Other rings incorporated the birth stones of both sets of parents as well as the bride and groom.
While the diamond solitaire is still an all-time favorite among most brides, many are exploring other creative designs that represent the uniqueness of the couple’s relationship.